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by mishamig0s



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual relationship, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishamig0s/pseuds/mishamig0s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After what seemed like forever of not seeing Cas because he was at war back in Heaven. he finally made his way back to the bunker and confesses his undying love for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Just had this great (I think) idea popped into my head about Cas. Idk, I hope it'll turn out as amazing as I'd hoped.  
> Btw, Kevin is alive in this.

It had been 2 months, 2  _fucking excruciating_ months since you'd last seen your feathery ass best friend, Castiel. You knew he was busy up in Heaven, fighting alongside and against some of his brothers and sisters but come on, couldn't he just answer your goddamn prayer or Dean's or Sam's  _once_? Just _once,_ to show he was still alive and kicking. You worried about him every single day, he could be dead for all you know, even the thought of that sent shivers throughout your whole body. You just _needed_ him to say 'Hello everyone, I am still alive in case you were wondering' or show himself even if it's just for five seconds.            

_Just show your stupid fucking face Cas, damn it_ you whispered. 

Your eyes began to scan around your room but you saw no one in sight, no signs of your Angel anywhere. _God,_ how you've missed having him come in an instant every time you call, it sounded really selfish but you didn't give a damn. You missed having him around at the Bunker, you missed how he always tilt his head or squint his hooded eyes whenever he didn't understand something, you missed how he always took everything very literal, you missed his minuscule smile, hell you even missed how sometimes he would 'accidentally' popped out of nowhere in your room while you were changing your outfit or when he popped in your bathroom while you take a shower but that's okay because he would always apologize for interrupting your personal space and be gone at a snap of a finger. You just simply missed **_him_** _._ _ **  
**_

You sighed loudly at the thought and decided to get the hell outta your room to occupy your mind with other than Cas. You lazily made your way to the library, where the Winchester brothers and Kevin usually were this time of day. Whether it's reading books, searching the web, eat, or having arguments to which you always tried to avoid. In spite of the fact that they could be a gigantic pain in your ass sometimes, you loved them with everything that was left in you. There was nothing you wouldn't do for them, vice versa. They were like the big brothers you never had, they protected and cared for you. You guys were _family_ , not exactly the perfect apple pie family but still, as Garth had put it-- who gives a shit where happiness comes from right? You, Dean, Sam, Kevin and Cas were all you've got and that's not so fucking bad if you do say so yourself. 

You sighed once again as you sat down on one of the wooden chairs in the library, not realizing all eyes were on you. 

 

"Well, hello to you Snow White," Dean exclaimed happily as he munched on his sandwich, raising his feet up and resting them on the table, paying all his attention to your figure

You nearly scoffed at his sarcastic remark 

"Morning dickwad," you responded, earning faint laughs from Kevin and Sam who had their noses buried in books, geez do these two _ever_ rest? you thought to yourself. 

"Do you even know what time it is, Y/N?" Sam joined, his sofr voice called out to you 

You shrugged, not bothering to look at the clock "Morning," 

Dean chuckled "It's almost twelve in the afternoon" Taking another bite of his sandwich 

You rolled your eyes "Exactly, it's _almost twelve,_ which means it's still in the AM, which also means it's still Morning,"

"Anything on Cas' whereabouts?" You asked the older Winchester but he only shook his head in return

"Not a peep."

You sighed and stood a little from your seat, leaning over to Dean and snatched the sandwich from his hands. You slumped back down to your seat and took a big bite out of the sandwich, not even bothering to care of the dirty look Dean was giving you **  
**

"Hey I was eating that!" Dean protested, 

"Can it, Dean. I'm hungry" you responded, sounding nonchalant

Dean scoffed but much to your surprise, he made no move of getting back his sandwich from you, he could see you had had a long night, just like you did the night before and the night before that and so on, so he didn't wanna add anymore fuel to that fire. 

"You evil little thing"

You chuckled and took another bite of your sandwich, you could see Sam from the corner of your eye quietly chuckling, shaking his head in disbelief at you two's childish behaviors. 

Sam fully turned his attention to you and silently studying you, you looked paler than you did yesterday, your lips were pretty dry, your under eyes were forming a dark color due to the lack of sleep you've gotten the past couple months, your skin also looked pale. He shared a concerned look with Kevin and Dean, who were now also eyeing your appearance. Needles to say, you looked like absolute  _crap._ The three of them didn't know what to say to you, they were worried about you but last time they tried to take care of you and convinced you that everything was gonna be okay, you'd shut them down completely and stormed off to your room, not coming out for about three days.

Dean, who were never usually gotten himself into the sharing is caring crap decided to spoke up

"How're you feeling, (your nickname)?" He asked, careful with words that's coming out of his mouth

"Fine," 

"You don't look fine," the Prophet added, putting the book he was reading down the sleek wooden table

"Yeah, Kev I look like shit yadda yadda yadda, I know." You continued eating your sandwich "But I'm perfectly fine, peachy" You finished

"Look, Y/N," Sam started, "We're trying to help you here, but it won't work unless you let us," Sam stared at you, sounding extremely sympathetic 

"Guys, I'm fine!" You groaned, putting your sandwich down. Your head began throbbing rapidly but you were stubborn so you decided to ignore it like you did last time, you have also gotten nosebleeds now and then but you thought nothing of it, and you sure as hell ain't telling any of these guys about it or else they'd bitch at you about how you should start take better care of yourself

"Can I get through one fucking day without either one of you asking me whether I'm okay? I'm fucking okay!" You half yelled

The guys seemed to be taken aback by your sudden outburst but said nothing back, afraid you'd explode even more than you already have. They shared concerned looks to one another, telepath-ing each other on what the _fuck_ they should do now, 

Decided to break the awkward silence you said,

"This was a bad idea, never shoulda came outta my room," You whispered to yourself, immediately regretting your decision to even get outta your room, you stood up to leave but immediately fell down to the floor as your legs decided to gave up, you felt a sharp pain on your back as your body hit the hard wooden floor, the heavy wooden chair that fell on you wasn't exactly helping either 

The three musketeers (as you'd love to call them) stood up in unison and rushing over to where you were, being the closest, Dean got to you first. He immediately knelt down and got rid of the chair that was pushing its weight down on you and pulled you up to his arms, you moved your gaze to the left and saw a tall figure of Sam who was soon followed by Kevin. You tried to slip from Dean's grip and get up to show them that you were okay but Dean stopped you almost immediately. 

"Hey hey hey, you gotta take it easy, Y/N!" He countered, steadying your head between his hands, catching your eyes. 

He gently put his hand on your forehead and your cheeks "Goddamn it, you're burning up," he whispered-yelled , full of worry in his tone. He picked you up in his arms bridal style, carefully and stood up to Sam's level. 

"Sammy, you go get something that'll tone this-" He motioned to you, "Down," He turned to Kevin and started, "You get cold towels!" 

Sam clenched his jaw, eyes full of fear of what might happen to you. Without further due, Sam and Kevin were already on their ways getting the stuff Dean told them to get.

Dean was bolting his way over to your bedroom, with you in his arms, fucking hell you looked so fragile it almost broke his heart. 

He gently put you down on the bed and pulled the covers over your small figure, he was going to bathe you in ice to tone the fever down like he did with Sam when he took turn for the worse because of the Trials he went through last year but he didn't think the fever was _that_ bad although it _was_ bad enough to fuck you up. Sam and Kevin soon arrived in your room with the stuff they've gotten around the Bunker.

The three of them stared at you with sad eyes, wondering where the _fuck_ was Castiel, the shithead that caused all this to begin with.  _  
_

 

 

****

 

 

Dean closed the door behind him carefully and very slowly so he didn't wake you up. Yes that's true, Dean somehow had managed to get you to fall asleep, god knows how many nights you didn't get any sleep because you were either thinking about Cas or praying to him so he'd come. Dean turned to Sam who was standing in the doorway, full of anger in his eyes, Dean was _so_ pissed at Cas now, he was fuming, he wanted to beat the shit outta him for not being there when you needed him, he knew Cas was at war but goddamn it couldn't he spare 5 minutes of his time to check up on them? on _you_? Instead of leaving you guys wondering if he was still alive, _hoping_ he was still alive. Damn it all to fucking hell, Dean thought. Dean knew Cas had feelings for you, in fact everyone knew Cas had feelings for you, everyone knew except _you._

You had feelings for Cas too, but you thought he would never feel the same way, how could and why would an Angel fall in love with someone like you right? 

"I'm so fucking pissed beyond comprehension right now, Sammy!" Dean whispered-yelled to his brother "Where the fuck is Cas?!" 

Sam sighed, rubbing the temple of his head in agitation, "I don't know, man. I've prayed to him for god knows how many times" 

Dean shook his head, making his way back to the library, slumping down his body on the small couch once he got there. He buried his face in his hands, muffling about how fucking dumb Cas was for going AWOL on them. Sam sat down on one of the chairs, sighing, thinking how your condition could take turn for the worse in a heartbeat, Kevin had his head on the table not knowing what else to do to help _you,_ his best friend. The room was pure silence, each and every one of them was thinking on how to get you better, you've changed not for the best but for the worst, this past couple months. Ever since Castiel left, you hadn't been sleeping on schedule, you hadn't been eating properly, you hadn't taken care of yourself like you used to. It was hard for everybody when Cas left, but you, you took it _real_ hard. You've grown attached to the Angel, _too_ attached even. You were so used having him around that you didn't know what to do when he left you for so long, sure he'd come and go but he always came back at the end of the day, and that relieved you. But he hadn't shown up in 2 months now, no letters, no news, no nothing. It was Jack with a side of Squat. You were so afraid someone would knock on your door and tell you that Cas is dead. And that was it. You needed him, you needed your best friend, then you'd grow some balls and tell him how you felt about him. 

"I swear, Sammy. I'm gonna fucking kill him.." Dean exclaimed softly, burying his face in his hands once again but immediately snapped his head up when he heard.. 

 

 

"Kill who?" Flutter of wings were heard then it was followed by a fairly gruff voice, "Hello, Dean."

 

 

Dean looked up to find someone in a trench coat, staring at him indinstictively. Sam and Kevin were stunned, they didn't say anything. They couldn't.. it was _Cas_. Dean clenched his jaw and stood up, ready to punch this douchebag square in the face, Dean knew he wouldn't feel a thing since he was an angel and all, but at least it would fulfill his satisfaction. Dean's clenched big fist was about to land flat on Cas' face until he felt something strong pull him back, it was Sam. Dean didn't know how he got there so quick but he wasn't glad that he did.

"What the hell you doin', Sam?!" Dean said disgruntedly, trying to get away from Sam's tight grip

"Look Dean, I know you wanna beat the shit out of the guy but let's not do that now, alright?" Sam    countered, trying to sound as calm as possible "Just calm down, man,"

Dean scoffed at his brother, he didn't understand how he could be so naïve about this, you were laying helpless in bed because of this feathery ass douchebag and he wants _him_ to be the one calms down? No fucking way. 

"Calm down? you're telling me to calm down?! Are you fucking kidding me Sammy?!" He yelled

Kevin who was much smaller than the two of them bolted his way over to the scene and was soon also trying to hold Dean down, last thing he wanted was witnessing anymore shit in this shit situation they were already facing.

Cas looked more confused than ever now, he couldn't comprehend what was going on. Why was Dean so pissed? Was Dean pissed at him? Why? 

"Look Dean, I'm not saying don't, I'm just saying not now," Sam yelled as looked at his brother, trying to calm him down, eyes pleading him to stop

Dean swiped away Sam's and Kevin's hands that were once on his chest, finally calming down a bit, he realized punching Cas in the face wasn't going to fix the damages he had inflicted on you. 

"I don't understand, Dean. What is going on?" Cas started, looking as calm as ever, slight confusion in his sapphire blue eyes

Dean looked at him in disbelief, he wanted to punch him again but he fought the urge "What's goin- Where the fuck have you been, you son of a bitch?!" He growled, his voice thundering 

"I was at war, I thought you all knew." He responded, turning his gaze to look at Sam then Kevin, who both gave him a stern look 

"We knew, Cas. But why didn't you ever show up after that whole bullshit speech about you going away?" Sam explained "I thought you were dead, we all did." 

"Well as you can see, you've predicted incorrectly. I'm _not_ dead," He assured them as he chuckled, trying to calm down the situation but immediately stopped when he realized not any single one of them found it funny, not even a slight.

"You should've checked on us, Cas.." Sam continued "You should've checked on Y/N" 

Dean clenched his jaw remembering what you've been through these past couple months, god he was so pissed at Cas, he was going to beat the shit outta him if Sam hadn't pulled him back and told him not to

"Yes, Y/N, Where is she?" Cas looked around the Library to find nothing but books and three guys who wanted his head on a stick, literally. "I have missed her," 

Dean stepped up in front of Cas, "You're not going anywhere near her, you hear me?" he said through gritted teeth

Cas looked at Dean, with a confused look on his face once again. "Why? What the hell is going on guys?" 

Sam pulled Dean away from Cas, and said "Y/N.. She's sick, Cas.. Her condition is really bad, I don't think seeing her is an option here. You've been gone for months, how'd you think she'd feel about that? You didn't bother to take one minute of your time to show your goddamn face and tell her you were alright" 

Cas' face gone from confusion to fear, concern, guilt. He didn't know what to say, he didn't think you'd take it that bad, he didn't think _any_ of them would take it this bad. 

"This is on you, goddamn it," Dean joined "She fucking prayed for you every single day, stayed up all night waiting for you, Cas, for you! And you couldn't take 5 seconds of your precious time to tell her you were still alive, now you came outta nowhere and think that this is all a big joke?! What is wrong with you, Cas?!" He yelled once again, "You stay the hell away from her" He threatened the Angel as he stormed off from the library, sounding as angry as ever

Cas had never seen Dean this angry before, never seen such concern and fear in his eyes, Cas started thinking maybe he'd gone too far by not informing everyone how he was, then he started thinking about you, what the hell did Sam meant you were sick? He wanted to see you and he wanted to see you **_now_** , he wanted to see you more than ever. He wanted to tell you that he was okay, that everything was okay, but how? After everything Dean told him he had put you through, how could he _possibly_ face you after all that? He heard your calls now and then, and Dean's, Sam's or Kevin's for that matter, and he wanted to come, really, he did, but he couldn't. He couldn't just leave his brothers and sisters like that. He wanted to come to you when you called but all he could remember was how bad it turned out to be like last time when he abandoned his kind.. let's just say it wasn't pretty. 

But _**if**_ he knew how much you needed him, if he knew that you needed him more than anything, if he knew how much his presence would mean to you, he'd be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked. He never thought it'd be like this, he thought after he was finished with the complications that were going on upstairs, he'd return to you and the Brothers and Kevin, and everything would be the way they were but then again, every time he tried to do something that he thought was right, turns out it wasn't right. He always messed it up, somehow. It's like what's right is wrong and what's wrong is more _wrong_. He should've known better. God he should have fucking known better than to just leave you, he loved you, you taught him everything there was to know about everything, you were there when he lost his marbles, you were there when he went dark side, you were there when everyone and everything from Heaven or Hell wanted his head on a frying pan, you were there when he lost his grace. You were there for him through _everything_. You taught him _everything._ You were his rock. You were what kept him alive after all the shit he's been through and it hit him like a truck when he realized that he had managed to also let the one person who meant the absolute world to him, down. Sure he had created so many mistakes along the way, 

 

But letting you down? That definitely topped it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand that was it folks, what do ya think??? I sure hope it's not so bad!


End file.
